The Tragic Tale of a Toothpaste Bottle
by Poison Grunty
Summary: Summary? This story has nothing to do with anything; I would doubt it even makes sense. Got a little Shounen Ai in there somewhere, though. Forgot where. Ah well.


The Tragic Tale of a Toothpaste Bottle  
  
Disclaimer: *Thwacks you in the head with a Bony Grunty* What?! Me? Own .hack??? ARE YOU INSANE?!? Yes. Yes you are.  
  
Author's Note: I was looking through this one night before really submitting it, and I have come to the conclusion that I...was on some kind of drug when I wrote it. Read at your own risk, but I warn you that it can get pretty freakin' stupid. All the characters are drastically OOC and this really has nothing to do with a toothpaste bottle.  
  
~~~*~~~  
  
Kite: *Waves at you and smiles widely* Konnichiwa! I'm Kite, your tour guide for this lovely afternoon. Or is it evening? Morning? Oh well. I don't know what friggin' time it is where ever you are. Anyway, here we are in Root Town Mac Anu, where a beautiful river seems to be flowing through this wonderful place.  
  
Mistral: *Appears out of nowhere and glomps Kite* Kite! KiteKiteKiteKite!!!   
  
Kite: *Screams and pulls Mistral off of him* Hey! I'm working, here!  
  
Mistral: *Sighs* You're in The World, Kite. You don't have to work!  
  
Kite: *Stares for a moment* Oh...yeah.  
  
Poison Grunty (whispers): Come on, you guys, get to the point already!  
  
Kite and Mistral: Oo Nani? There's supposed to be a point????  
  
Poison Grunty: *Sweatdrops* Er...I...think. ^^;;  
  
Kite: *Hits Poison Grunty over the head with a...Poison Grunty* Get out of here! You're supposed to be the author, remember?  
  
Poison Grunty: *Is hit with a Poison Grunty* Oi, oi, oi! Oh yeah! *Begins to run away, but notices the Grunty she was hit with* Omigawd! That thing has the same name as me!!! That's so cool! *Huggles the Poison Grunty and the two of them begin to do Irish Jigs*  
  
--Just then...!--  
  
Blamung: *Flies all bishi-like from the sky and lands next to Kite* Uh...What's going on?   
  
Kite: --; I...don't know...  
  
Balmung: Oh. All righty!   
  
Mistral: *Does Irish Jigs with the two Poison Grunties*   
  
Kite: *Thinks* Did Balmung just say...iAll righty???/i  
  
Piros: *Strides from the Chaos Gate with BlackRose* He of fair eyes! How art thou this glorious day?  
  
Kite: *Checks watch* My watch says it's three in the morning. Maybe I should go to bed.   
  
Piros: *Suddenly takes Kite in his arms and huggles him* I absolutely adore thou!   
  
Kite: OO;; Agh!! Let go of me!!!  
  
BlackRose: oo;; Oh...my...I feel so sorry for Kite right now... *Shrugs and walks over to Balmung*  
  
Kite: *Struggles vainly to get away from Piros* Aaah! Help me! Help me! BlackRose! Balmung! Mistral! ...POISON GRUNTY!!! You're the author of this stupid fic! Make him let go of me!!!   
  
Poison Grunty: *Stops dancing* Tsk, tsk, Kite. Keep your temper down, or no Pocky for you!   
  
Piros: *Gasps and takes Kite by the head, flinging him into the sky* There's pocky??? Why did you not say so, fair author? *Grabs a stick of Pocky and nibbles on it*  
  
Kite: *Flies through the air and suddenly SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUSTS!!!*   
  
BlackRose: Oooh! Pretty colors!  
  
Balmung: If only there wasn't so much red...  
  
Poison Grunty: *Erases Kite's blood for Balmung-san* There ya go!  
  
Balmung: *Smiles* Arigato.  
  
Poison Grunty: *Gets hearts for eyes* Anything for you, Balmung-san... *Suddenly remembers the other Poison Grunty and runs to it, doing more Irish Jigs with it and Mistral*  
  
--Then suddenly...!--  
  
The virus: *Takes over Mac Anu, making everything all twitchy-like and...stuff* Mwahahaha! All you I destroy shall!   
  
BlackRose: Nani? What was that?  
  
The virus: Er...I mean...Shall you all I destroy! Hahamwaha!  
  
Piros: Could thou repeat that statement?  
  
The virus: Uh...You I all shall destroy!  
  
Mistral: *Stares* I don't get it.   
  
The virus: *sighs irritably* You're all gonna die now, okay?  
  
Piros, BlackRose, and Mistral: Oh!! *Stare for a minute* Wait--!  
  
--*Piros, BlackRose and Mistral all spontaneously combust*--  
  
The virus: Mwahahaha!   
  
Balmung: I shall slay you, evil fiend! *Slays the virus thingy*  
  
The virus: DEATH!!! *dies*  
  
Poison Grunty: Yatta! Balmung saves the day! *Squeezes some toothpast into her mouth from the bottle and then spits it out*  
  
Balmung: *Smiles all bishi-like*   
  
Poison Grunty and Balmung: *Both get on the Poison Gruny (the animal-thing one, not the author) and ride away into the sunset*  
  
IT'S OVER!!!  
  
...Until next time, that is...  
  
Poison Grunty: Wait...I'm gonna write more???  
  
Narrator: I dunno. Shut up. It's supposed to be over, remember? Well, this chapter, anyway.   
  
Poison Grunty: ^^;; Oh yeah! *Runs away*  
  
OK....NOW IT'S OVER!!! 


End file.
